[attr="class","illie i"]she can't help the way her face shifts through emotions at the mere sight of him. panic, relief, happiness, guilt. each one passes before she finally settles upon one of a more mild manner, lips pressing into a slight smile. "hey," she winces at the way her voice sounds so breathless, as if it's struggling to even come out. the scientist tries to shift in her bed, tries to sit up and look more presentable for the councilman. instead, a hiss of pain escapes her and she's barely able to prop her head up on the fluffy pillows at her back.

"that's good to hear," she sighs. her wounds will heal, her body will recover. the mind will take a little longer to wrap around what had transpired in littleroot.

a hand rises to tuck hair behind her ear, cheeks radiating mild warmth. "you didn't have to bring anything," she murmurs. her head dips with gratitude and the smile widens. "thank you. i - i really appreciate you even coming." although, the question as to why he's here is still unanswered. while she wants to believe that he's just looking out for her, just making sure she's alive and well, she still has mild doubt. her body presses a little further into the bed at the thought of doubting him as if the white sheets will swallow her up for thinking such a thing.

"did everyone make it out okay?" she turns to face him as he settles into the chair beside her. brief flashes of the building shaking, crumbling, falling apart fill her mind and she's clutching at the blanket. "how bad was the aftermath?"

[attr="class","illie i"]she'd be lying if she said she wasn't caught off guard by fernando silph, one of the most powerful men in hoenn, nonchalantly discussing fruit. it's odd in a way she appreciates as if it's a new facet to the man she has come to loosely understand. of course, she only knows of him from the perspective of his intern but the shift is refreshing. sometimes it's hard to remember that despite his stature and position of power, he's still just a man who apparently has extensive knowledge of fruit. her smile brightens at the thought.

"i had no idea salac berries held meaning behind them," she murmurs. her gaze drops to follow the movement of his hands. the way the knife swipes through the skin is almost soothing. although, fernando with a knife shouldn't technically be soothing for anyone... maybe it's the precision of the work, the way the knife glides effortlessly, that has her in a mild trance.

and then, the conversation shifts and the atmosphere of the room grows heavy. she swallows.

three dead, a dozen injured... the number of pokemon lost in the chaos still hasn't been determined. her stomach churns at the thought, nausea rising with a quickness she despises. another swallow holds it at bay and her eyes leave the knife's movements to find his. "i," she tries but nothing else follows. she has always understood that other people's actions have consequences but to think that this level of destruction, of lives lost, could be the result of her own? it had never crossed her mind when she entered that contest hall that day... not even in the slightest.

"i'm sorry," she breathes at last, the silence broken by her soft admittance. she remembers him being there, remembers him trying to assist guards while she... she had ignored any sense of civic duty and for what? whatever intentions she had don't outweigh the losses and perhaps him not bothering to decorate the facts with softer words and kinder tones is his way of highlighting what a shitshow this had become. "i -- i didn't think this would happen." no one did.

her head drops almost in shame and she's averting her gaze from his eyes. there's an uncertainty of what she'll find in his gaze if she looks back and perhaps to spare herself from the disappointment he could have, she simply avoids it instead. "has the league said anything about what happened yet?" what would their statement even be? is there a way to mask their involvement? her involvement? littleroot is a mess now, a disaster much like the last city had been. a moment of silence follows before she's finally glancing up, finally seeking his eyes again. "it feels like the whole mission had been a mistake from the start. too many things went wrong..."

[attr="class","illie i"]the berry is slowly coming unraveled in his grasp. the knife continues its path, precise, clean, effective. somehow, he's much like the cutlery in his hand. sharp and precise in his methods, his actions. her eyes follow the falling skin as he goes. silence creeps around them for a moment and the only sounds are breathing, beeping machines, and fruit submitting to the blade.

she shifts uncomfortably in her bed, hands gathering the fabric of the blanket in fists and then releasing. it happens a few times before he distracts her with the concept that they're conducting an investigation. what will they find? will it make matters worse? or better? bits of dread coil and pool in her stomach and she's swallowing once more.

"i suppose it's not a good thing to have a statement released after HNN unveils an article about this," she murmurs. while HNN is a popular news source, probably the best in the region, the article won't lend itself to the league's favor. this much she has come to understand from the last disaster they have faced. another shift follows and the bed creaks slightly beneath her weight. "what do you think they'll find?" too much? not enough?

he doesn't offer her much of anything, really. as indifferent as they come, a stark contrast to their first meeting in that board room. back then, he had been charming, kind even. now? it's almost like a different person is sitting beside her and she can't tell if it's intimidating or something entirely different. what she does know is that she hates the way her body recoils at his tone, wincing at the use of her last name.

"i," she starts and stops. the emptiness in his gaze is off-putting, effectively curbing any efforts of deflecting blame. she clears her throat, swallows, and sighs. "ignoring the guards was the first mistake." he had been one of the only ones to join their side, to respect their authority in this aspect. she pauses to reflect on that decision, gaze falling to her hands. "rushing in without a plan had been a mistake too. really, there were a lot made." too many things had led to the mission going south, the objective blinding her from thinking clearly. sure, she had succeeded with the sample in the end but at what cost? lives were lost, towns ruined, trees slaughtered.

almost inaudibly, she adds a meek, "talking about what went wrong won't change it." and she knows in that moment that it was probably best to keep that part to herself but she's already stuck in this hospital room attached to monitors so it can't get much worse, right?

[attr="class","illie i"]the truth. what exactly is the truth in this situation? league had stepped too far over the boundaries drawn in sand? some people she didn't recognize had poisoned the tree and multiple people in its vicinity? fact and fiction have fine lines that always end up blurred in the end. besides, she's still not certain which parts are true and which parts are poison-induced haze.

she stills at his tone, at the way he actually appears interested in what's unfolding in this hospital room for the first time since stepping through the door. "what?" she breathes as if she didn't hear him correctly. except, she did and she's still baffled. they practice different schools of scientific theory? her head tilts at the thought, gaze darting up and away from her hands to find his. "we're different people so in theory, we'd have different processes for thought. ...right?" the last word is added with uncertainty, with the notion that she might just be speaking out of her ass at this point.

nevertheless, she continues to cement her logic.

"i meant," she pauses to gather herself, to collect her thoughts together so as to not appear as she had in that board room. she's different now. sure, still prone to tears and a bundle of anxiety, but slightly different all the same. "that the past can't be changed. we can, um, only go forward i guess?" history is history for a reason. it serves as the foundation for future decisions, future outcomes still being written. a hand rises to run through her tangled mess of hair and a soft sigh escapes. "what went wrong would only serve as blueprints for whatever comes next so the same mistakes won't be made." it sounds right in theory but will she, or they for that matter, actually be mindful the next time around? because of course, there will always be a next time. it's just a matter of when and if the lessons learned from the previous fiasco will be enough to change the outcome.

[attr="class","illie i"]she flushes at the mild comparison because really, she would likely never be anything close to the brilliance that is Lucas Lane. it's a nice thought to entertain but in the end, he's several paces ahead of her due to the reasons that fernando dives into. where she flounders in the face of failure, all but shutting down in the process, lucas lane overcomes his failure by pushing himself and the boundaries that hold him back.

she hangs on every word, every explanation that fernando gives. each one settles into the next until there's a clear picture of her fellow head scientist fixing his wrongs and mending what needs to go right in order to succeed. it's something that's both impressive and intimidating. how does he have the strength to continue when he fails? when he's so certain he'll succeed and then something goes wrong to change the outcome? and then to change the thought process behind it? she's stuck on the concept that changing the way you think is so simple, so easy. is it something that's learned or already possessed from birth? could she just be lacking that quality in her dna? she's always acted a certain way, worked a certain way. it's been this way for as long as she can remember and yet, fernando is giving her plenty of evidence to cement the concept that in order to really exceed the expectations he has given her, she has to change. grow. evolve.

he stands to discard the peeled skin and her eyes follow his movements with acute interest. only when he returns to his seat does she offer a small smile. it's awkward and meek, perhaps because he's intimidating despite their history or because she has this feeling that she's disappointed him. and no matter how many times she tells herself that she doesn't care what other people think of her, it's difficult to not want to change that fact.

"so," she murmurs and she's slowly beginning to understand why he's leading her into recounting the events that transpired. recognize what went wrong so you can fix it. it looks so simple on paper but is it really that easy? "in order to do better next time, one has to understand why their actions were wrong in the first place?" honestly, part of her wonders how she got this position in the first place... he really just spelled it out for her and she's still second guessing, still hesitating.

gingerly, illeana accepts the offered piece of fruit and pops it into her mouth. her cheeks radiate warmth when her eyes dart away from his fingers to his face. the smile effectively does its job as she relaxes a little into the pillows behind her. a smile of her own rises although it's softer and a little shy. "instead of rushing in, i should have assessed the situation more clearly?" she's still uncertain as to what he's asking of her but with some guidance on his end, she might come out of this understanding more than she thinks. her flush deepens as she continues. "i'm not just an intern anymore so i can't exactly just ignore what consequences my actions can have."

[attr="class","illie i"]if there's one thing that sums up illeana reyes, it's her need to find reassurance in other people. something about the way their perception of her holds more power than that of her own has always been an active ingredient in her character. perhaps it's that she simply has no faith in herself or more that her background lends itself to her lack of confidence and inability to believe in herself. whatever it is, it's easy to take advantage of and despite the warning from dahlia goode, she's still playing right into fernando's hand.

"i did," she murmurs. although, looking back on them now, her reasons hadn't exactly been solid. she's not even fully certain of them now. the need to prove her worth to the league and to herself had been a major factor in throwing caution to the wind but was that all it was? did she want to succeed for herself or for the people around her? it's food for thought that has her silent for a few moments.

illeana fidgets in the bed once more, struggling to come up with a feasible answer. why had she rushed in? why did she not think of the weight her actions held? "i, um," she stumbles over her words in an attempt to find stable footing. "i guess i don't think of myself as being on the same playing field as everyone else in the league?" the answer is spoken with a soft tone, almost as if she's ashamed of admitting it to herself. to speak it is it cement it into the mind and that, in itself, is a dangerous thing. "i wanted to prove that i'm worthy of being in this position by succeeding through any means necessary and instead of doing that, i just made it worse." an almost sad laugh escapes her and she's shifting her gaze to the wall at her side, seeking answers that aren't held in white paint. "my insecurities made me act like an imbecile."